20 January, 2013

Locked in Loser's Lodge

The wind is really cold outside. I went out to buy some food wearing only very light clothes and on my way back I realized I was shivering like hell while pushing myself through current after current of cold, chilly gusts of wind. The temperature is almost insane because I thought I was nearly freezing, which is of course an exaggeration since it doesn't actually snow where I live, and also because just last year everyone was complaining about the extremely hot temperature we're experiencing. Talk about fluctuating temperatures and we're all gonna go back to the same old discussion of how global warming is ruining nature. Our planet has totally gone crazy.

I like to go in sync with nature, and therefore I too have gone crazy. I decided this January that I'm not going to have ANY fun until I actually finish my thesis. This means I'm not going out on Friday nights anymore, nor during weekends. I'm not going to a bar, a club or anything. I'm not going to any party. I'm not going to go out with a friend. I'm not going to go out on a date. And I'm not going to look to have sex with anyone. This is my way of punishing myself for suspending the work that I could have finished last year if only I focused all my mind and efforts to the one thing that truly mattered.

Although it's hard since I have not had sex with anyone other than myself for more than six months already.

I could be joking.

Okay, so I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself and I'm ready for any form of consolation from you guys since the reason I actually put off my thesis work last year was another actual work I also had responsibility in doing. I cannot help but feel guilty about this matter though because I feel like I had put my professor down. Before he left to another country last October, he had trusted me to finish my experiments and I had told him that I'm going to finish everything by December, but look where I am now: I'm struggling with the experimental mistakes I need to fix and there's still a lot of tests I haven't done and January has only a few days left.

That is why I keep telling myself something along the lines of, "Oliver, this is the only thing that matters to you right now. Nothing else. Finish your thesis for now, and then you can screw around all you want later." This mindset may not be very healthy, but at least it gives me enough motivation to actually move forward and make important progress.

We all have goals, and in order to achieve them we need to make plans. We need to set these plans in motion. If you don't have the proper mindset, it's kind of not having any fuel to an engine and it's hard to get anything to move. Sometimes we need to focus our whole being into that one thing we want to accomplish in order to achieve it, and I have learned through experience that that is a fool-proof plan. Does that have to involve punishing yourself by not having any fun during the process? Not necessarily, but that depends on your character. Does that have to involve you being a total loser who wouldn't socialize just to finish the work that needs to be done? I wouldn't agree with that either because you know what? At the end of the day the loser isn't the one who never went to a party nor got laid because he was too busy with work; the loser is the one who ends up screwing his life for not seeing the things that were of the most value.

So I may be a loser right now who is alone and covered in blankets, shivering while reading books and typing words on my blog in bed, but you're gonna see me later at the center of a bar in February proud and satisfied and accomplished. Until then, I'm going to be living in this fort.

kudos to hermit crabs.


Teddybear said...

Don't be so sad, Oliver. We still love you. Haha

Asinastra Nightshade said...

Nice hermit crab.

Don't punish yourself too much though. We're all like that. I mean, we all procrastinate. Not to say one person is automatically representative of another, but it's just human nature.
Or it is for me anyway.

Good luck on that thesis.

Oliver said...

Haha I love you guys too! I don't sound too bitter that I couldn't go to a friend's party, do I? XD

Thanks for the good luck! I can definitely use some good luck. I don't want to procrastinate anymore. It's not like I'm punishing myself too much, I don't think. I just want to get the work done ASAP. =]

Hermit crabs are nice! My mom is afraid of those though. Ha.

Natwest said...

don't you just love being in bed with a good book and your laptop
that right there is my version of heaven
Click me

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