14 January, 2012

No Worries



Tasks are pretty much all that I have right now. You have tasks too, of course. We all have tasks, alright because if we didn't have tasks our lives would be pointless. But why does it seem to me that my life has become too much about these tasks already? I am a real person and I obviously have my own daily regular life. We have day jobs and school, and homework, meetings, special projects, awkward old-acquaintances gatherings, quasi-parties, Sunday sermons and ice cream stands to attend to. It is a normal life that is now occupied by too much homework that is taking over to the point that the idea of blogging comes to me as something that would be totally irresponsible of me. Blogging takes a lot of time, dedication and creativity. It's actually harder than most people think. Deciding what to write about alone takes thirty minutes to one hour. Well, I'm not really sure if that goes for everyone else. I didn't bother to do any form of research on this. I tried to convince myself that I would do a survey, but I didn't because I couldn't convince myself. I argued really hard, but I was stubborn. So there are no statistics; this is just me saying I'm a terribly slow doer and so I assume everyone else is, too, because you know I want to convince myself I'm a normal person.


That is one debate with myself I'm hoping not to lose.


I was doing my problem sets one night and I couldn't concentrate because I had these flash thoughts of my blog and how I used to totally ignore it. I was telling myself that I really wanted to blog that time, but then again I wasn't able to convince myself to, because I still couldn't answer number one on my homework for Pete's sake! Why would I have this thought of going online to blog, and let it fill my mind, when I still had those papers in front of me, especially that one blank page of two items I still had not answered? And I knew there's a bunch of other things lined up.


It could be the thought of taking a break. I was able to answer the rest of my problem set at that point. I was having trouble with only two more items, i.e. items 1c and 1d, so I was thinking like now that I had finished 80% of my homework and since I couldn't seem to fathom a way to get around the two remaining questions, why not just get a time off and get my attention away from the thing that's giving me migraine and have fun, say, blogging? But then I asked myself, why would I blog first? Why take a break already when there's this important thing I had started that I still had not yet finished?


And blogging, as it turned out to me that time, is also quite a task. A tiring task that is something I worry about. I have no idea how this happened. When I started blogging I was happy and proud that I have my own space on the internet where I get to write and interact with a lot of new people. I wrote a lot of cool stuff spontaneously, regularly. I worked on designing my blog excitedly. I was being creative and happy about it all. I was being one energetic bunny. 


But then what happened?


Thinking about this, my worries, my homework, my tasks, I picked up the fact that I was sixteen when I started my blog, and now I'm eighteen. I am no longer that guy who is just always having a fun time whatever he's doing, whether it's school-related or blogging. Why do I now find it harder to be pleased by these two activities? I don't know. Am I getting old? Am I getting boring? Am I making myself look like a fool by asking these stupid questions? Is this what being an adult feels like? Do you just worry about lots of insane random crap?


I am a guy who seems to worry about his life constantly, worrying about his homework, about other people's expectations, his future, and even about his blog. And I don't feel good about that. Why? Why should I worry? What good does it do? I know I have responsibilities and everything, but thinking about it all the time doesn't really accomplish anything. I know it's making me self-aware but it's also making me feel miserable. I am young and I should have fun.


I am ready not to give a flying crap about anything anymore.









oliver.

07 January, 2012

Spirits



I am blogging right now because I haven’t blogged in a long time it’s driving me insane. Everyone knows I am a very busy boy, and also at the same time a lazy one, so every time I ever get some time off from work and deadlines I just make use of the time to lay in bed, stare at the cosmos, and imagine the face of Jennifer Aniston so that I would dream about her in my sleep. That has been my routine I think ever since I was like, nine years old. You know, I kinda grew up having a crush on Jennifer Aniston. I know it’s a little weird, but hey I really liked her as Rachel and I could see myself in Ross, so yeah I have had an imaginary love affair with Aniston for almost ten years now. She hasn’t aged at all, I don’t think. She still looks great!


Okay, let’s move on from that. That was a lot of teenage rambling for Overville. When I created this blog (it was during the elections), I told myself that I would make it some sort of my own online magazine. I would not make it too personal and too much about my life. I would try to publish stories people could relate to. I don’t know if people who have been reading my blog ever since it was born would agree with me, but I believe I haven’t been doing a good job with my objectives. My blog has become more personal than anything, but hey I really don’t have a problem with that. I already talked about how I feel about personal blogs in a blog post in 2010 right here. I think personal blogs are great as long as it doesn’t turn into a live online stream of your life. You do that on Twitter.


Speaking of blogs, I am trying my best to recover my blogging spirit and I’m finding it hard. Especially because this semester in college is making me busier than ever, I couldn’t seem to sit down in front of the computer and tell myself, “Alright, you’re going to blog right now.” I took a vacation from the whole blogging universe, but now I can say I’m ready to be back. Only now I have some weight on my back so I will be walking around this universe more slowly, and more carefully, so that I don’t fall and drop the weight I’ve worked so hard for to carry. 


I hope you love that metaphor as much as I do. I can’t think of a better one, so don’t screw me.


And speaking of being screwed, the courses I’m taking this year are insane. I have the second levels of Physical Chemistry and Biochemistry, and a really terrible Chemistry lab course. I also have Quantum Chemistry. And I am also taking a basic Environmental Science course, and a course in Professional English. 


My head hurts.


I am sick. I am not really feeling well. That’s why I’m blogging. You know, blogging is supposed to be therapeutic. And water too. I have been drinking lots of water. I probably drank twenty glasses today and it’s made me more nauseous and my brain is like full of water right now.


On a lighter side, my previous semester went quite well because my grades in my chemistry subjects were good. They were not exceptional, but I’m happy I didn’t fail anything. Well, I almost failed my math. Come on, it was Differential Calculus, so don’t be too hard on me. I got the highest grade possible though in German. Ich liebe Deutsch.


I still have this Christmas spirit in me, so I am extremely happy even though I suck. You have no idea how much I missed blogging and how happy I am that I’m blogging again. I have this little pocket notebook and last year every time I thought of something to blog about I wrote it in there, but I was never really able to do any of the things I wrote there because I suck. So alas, I am finally able to blog something. I hope you're all still  happy about my blog. I am no longer insane. I no longer suck. I pat myself on the back.


Ha. I pretty much just talked about myself in this post. Is my blog becoming a live stream of my life? I hope not. What's too bad about that anyway? Wait, there are too many words in this post already, so I’m out of here. I’m sick, I’m tired and I want to sleep. I need to think of Jennifer Aniston’s face, or something else.











oliver.
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