27 May, 2012

Getting There

I went to school, I went to work. I hated school, I hated work. Now it's all over. No more school, no more work. I have a couple of days left before the next term starts and I know I have just enough time to enjoy myself.

Except that I don't.

This is an empty vacation I'm having. I wake up and I realize I'm alone. I open the fridge, I drink milk. I make peanut butter sandwiches, I boil eggs. I open my phone and I start to play music. I check out the messages I received while I was sleeping. There are barely any, I reply to some. I eat.

I get the speakers and I full blast the songs. I do ten push ups to pretend I'm physically fit. I go to the computer, and pretty much waste my time on the internet. I go to forums and watch people get into an argument. I try to join. I read articles, check out blogs. I get tired. I take a shower and I hurt my eyes. I turn off the speakers. I watch cat videos on YouTube. I read news pretending I care. I hurt my eyes.

I get my phone and I put on my earphones. I go outside to buy food. I see how beautiful the day is, and I wonder why the heck I choose to just stay home. I feel shame, so I look down. I see the shadows cast by the trees on the road. I look up at the great canopy of leaves and the sunlight filtering through. I feel glad. I notice the beautiful song playing. It makes me even more glad. I try not to smile. I don't want to look crazy.

I eat. I wash the dishes. I lay down and read again some of the stories in Skeleton Crew. I get scared a bit, I get drowsy and I hurt my eyes. I fall asleep.

I go online, find interesting things on the internet. I try to blog but I fail. I feel bad. I get my disk and I watch again some episodes of Arrested Development. I laugh and I think I'm happy.

The day goes on, the night passes, the weeks fly through.

The 12th of May, 2010-- that was when I got too bored hating on my chemistry courses and wishing I was still in high school that I decided to create another blog. Two years later, this blog is still up, and now I'm writing this post like nothing's changed. But the blog posts are disappearing, some memories are fading, and my realizations of my life and future are getting clearer. I feel different.

Something's changed.

kudos, you read all that.


Adarsh Rao said...

That's exactly how the past 15 days have been for me!

By the way, you mention that you had another blog. Well, got a link? I can't see it on your profile...

Oliver said...

I know you don't mean exactly. That would be creepy to find out that you and I are doing the exact same things everyday. Haha.

And I had plenty of blogs when I was in high school. All of them were very much personal and I don't care about them anymore, so they're gone. This is the only blog I have right now. =]

Writing Junkie said...

"But the blog posts are disappearing, some memories are fading, and my realizations of my life and future are getting clearer. I feel different."
<-- that sums up how I was feeling about myself and my blog over the past few days. So I decided to recreate what it was meant to be about. Perhaps if you do the same it might help?

I think that you're blog is amazing. Stop feeling so down. :)

~The Writing Junkie.

Asinastra Nightshade said...

This is a melancholy sort of post.
I do like your writing style. We'll all understand if you stop, but I hope you never will. =D

Miss Bobo said...

ditto Nightshade. What is it with this downward spiral :C you are still here and that is what matters. I wonder what has changed? Either way life goes on and things will eventually change whether big or little. routines never stay the same

Nikka said...

whatever you write,we'd still love to read it so don't stop. we all love changes :)

we both need adventures :) but we are not adventurous.
we both need to go out, but we love staying indoors..argh, i need a kick on the but right now.

Oliver said...

Thank you always for the nice words. I'm not having any sort of serious problem right now, nor do I feel that I need to change up my blog. Now I just feel that I'm becoming less and less enthusiastic about my blog for some reasons and I feel bad about it. I'm starting to get bored with my life in general. Ha. But I'm going to be good. =]

Thank you. I won't stop. I'm going to stay here for a long time, but I feel that I need to take a break. I need as much focus on my undergraduate thesis as possible, and as little distraction as possible. Hopefully I'll finish it by October, and that's when I'll most likely be posting regularly again. But I might stop by here some time and write something kind of an update. I love writing, so we'll see. =]

@Miss Bobo
Haha I love you. You're one of those people who's been here for the longest time. I feel bad that I'm making you feel bad with me feeling bad, so I gotta assure you that I'm going to be here all the while and I appreciate your messages so much. What has changed? I can't tell. I'm feeling good.

Thank you. I've always believed I'm adventurous but I feel like I got stuck at some point. I'm still pushing forward regardless.

The Museworthyist said...

I think everyone feels that way some point. And you probably have changed. Everyone does. There's nothing wrong with that. Now, you just have to explore and figure out the new you!

PS. Post soon :)

Oliver said...

Thanks, Muse. Yes I will. =]

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...