14 January, 2012

No Worries

Tasks are pretty much all that I have right now. You have tasks too, of course. We all have tasks, alright because if we didn't have tasks our lives would be pointless. But why does it seem to me that my life has become too much about these tasks already? I am a real person and I obviously have my own daily regular life. We have day jobs and school, and homework, meetings, special projects, awkward old-acquaintances gatherings, quasi-parties, Sunday sermons and ice cream stands to attend to. It is a normal life that is now occupied by too much homework that is taking over to the point that the idea of blogging comes to me as something that would be totally irresponsible of me. Blogging takes a lot of time, dedication and creativity. It's actually harder than most people think. Deciding what to write about alone takes thirty minutes to one hour. Well, I'm not really sure if that goes for everyone else. I didn't bother to do any form of research on this. I tried to convince myself that I would do a survey, but I didn't because I couldn't convince myself. I argued really hard, but I was stubborn. So there are no statistics; this is just me saying I'm a terribly slow doer and so I assume everyone else is, too, because you know I want to convince myself I'm a normal person.

That is one debate with myself I'm hoping not to lose.

I was doing my problem sets one night and I couldn't concentrate because I had these flash thoughts of my blog and how I used to totally ignore it. I was telling myself that I really wanted to blog that time, but then again I wasn't able to convince myself to, because I still couldn't answer number one on my homework for Pete's sake! Why would I have this thought of going online to blog, and let it fill my mind, when I still had those papers in front of me, especially that one blank page of two items I still had not answered? And I knew there's a bunch of other things lined up.

It could be the thought of taking a break. I was able to answer the rest of my problem set at that point. I was having trouble with only two more items, i.e. items 1c and 1d, so I was thinking like now that I had finished 80% of my homework and since I couldn't seem to fathom a way to get around the two remaining questions, why not just get a time off and get my attention away from the thing that's giving me migraine and have fun, say, blogging? But then I asked myself, why would I blog first? Why take a break already when there's this important thing I had started that I still had not yet finished?

And blogging, as it turned out to me that time, is also quite a task. A tiring task that is something I worry about. I have no idea how this happened. When I started blogging I was happy and proud that I have my own space on the internet where I get to write and interact with a lot of new people. I wrote a lot of cool stuff spontaneously, regularly. I worked on designing my blog excitedly. I was being creative and happy about it all. I was being one energetic bunny. 

But then what happened?

Thinking about this, my worries, my homework, my tasks, I picked up the fact that I was sixteen when I started my blog, and now I'm eighteen. I am no longer that guy who is just always having a fun time whatever he's doing, whether it's school-related or blogging. Why do I now find it harder to be pleased by these two activities? I don't know. Am I getting old? Am I getting boring? Am I making myself look like a fool by asking these stupid questions? Is this what being an adult feels like? Do you just worry about lots of insane random crap?

I am a guy who seems to worry about his life constantly, worrying about his homework, about other people's expectations, his future, and even about his blog. And I don't feel good about that. Why? Why should I worry? What good does it do? I know I have responsibilities and everything, but thinking about it all the time doesn't really accomplish anything. I know it's making me self-aware but it's also making me feel miserable. I am young and I should have fun.

I am ready not to give a flying crap about anything anymore.



Vice Versa said...

HI :)
I like your blog.

For me, blogging is about uncluttering my head. Getting all of the words that are in there out of the way. sometimes when i'm doing something, i'll start thinking about writing it down for my blog.
But when I write, its completely off the top of my head. Its whatever i'm thinking about at the moment. This is also the reason most of my posts (and comments) are so long and rambling.

The way I see it, this is YOUR blog, and you should be able to write whatever you want without worrying about what other people want to read. All of these 172 people (including me) followed you because we like what you write. You shouldn't have to force yourself to write.
I think 18 is just a stressful age. Its an age where you're expected to be an adult all of a sudden. Hopefully 19 will be better?

cricketfreak said...

I was so excited when I started blogging. Then I felt like it was becoming a chore, so I took a break.
But I still can't muster up that same enthusiasm which I had in the early months of blogging.
I'm hoping it's a phase.

The girl of the sun said...

It seems to me you came out of my head and said exactly what I thought! I don't consider myself to be very old but I often feel the same way! I'm ashamed to write just whatever and writing not anything takes several hours!

Completing all the tasks is a hard task itself and how to finish all of that? And you know what? It is extremely hard to explain to non-bloggers, because they think that you are lazy and having no ideas!

I also think that this is mostly the reason why people greate a great amount of blog competitions, awards, guest posts etc. They are just empty. And ashamed of writing randomness. But we don't have to be. If a person writes well, he will write well about crap too.

Let me ask you something. Would it be al right if I posted a link about your 'tasks' post? I would write something myself and then mention your truthful thinking? :) (Don't think that I don't have anything to write about as I had said, I just liked it ;))

Nas said...

As Ulti Pulti (Vice Versa) above said, this is your blog and you can write what you want, when you want and how you want.

I recently went through that phase too and am trying to get the balance again between study and blogging and the rest of life.

Sometimes it can be good to be carefree about some things. I think blogging is one of them.

Oliver said...

@Vice Versa
Oh yeah sometimes I write just off the top of my head and such but I still end up editing it like crazy because I don't know why. Thanks for your niceness, I'm glad I have followers like you. =] Thanks for having interest in my blog. =]

It's a phase that is terribly hard to get through!

I love being carefree. Thanks, man. =]

Writing Junkie said...

Oliver, it's okay. I worry all the time as well, and about some pretty stupid things too. haha.
Don't allow yourself to get bored. When you do just take a break and then return. That's what helps me :)

I just want to say, I think your blog is amazing. I love it, and the majority of the people who read it probably do as well otherwise they would not be commenting. So keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Stay awesome!

Nikka said...

anlaa, i made a long comment a while ago..looks like i was not able to click publish..errr..haha

Oliver said...

WELL OF COURSE you could link to this post and feature it in your blog. That would actually be great for both of us, right? Hahaha. I understand bloggers sometimes run out of ideas. It is part of the blogging journey, really. And even writers get writer's block so it's perfectly normal. We're cool. =]

Thanks for your never-ending support. It's nice to know that there's someone who really likes what I do here with my blog. Thank you so much. But I worry sometimes that I'm no longer this amazing blogger you used to know. Maybe I just worry too much. Worrying about too much stuff isn't really healthy, so let's not worry about some pretty stupid things WJ, shall we? =] Again, thanks for your comment. =]

That's ok!

Writing Junkie said...

nah, I still think what you write is awesome, it's different but still good :)

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