13 October, 2011

I Need Redemption

Yup, that's a Survivor: South Pacific reference. I just watched Survivor so I'm in a pretty good mood, not to mention that I'm finally able to break free somehow from my evil subjects. This season of Survivor is actually pretty good so far, and I'm hoping that it doesn't turn into a piece of crap like the previous season did as it progresses. Ha, I just made a single Survivor reference and I'm consuming one paragraph of my precious blog talking about it? Not good. This post isn't about Survivor anyway, so. . . shut me up.

Alright, so I lied that I would be posting every week, that is every Sunday or Monday. I should have known that a schedule like that isn't really good, mainly because some courses like to schedule their exams on a Monday. (Oh, shocking. My courses are preventing me from blogging?) That means not only do I lose the Monday, but also the Sunday because obviously I would have to be cramming every page of my notes inside my head on the Sunday night so that I don't screw myself up in the exam the next day.

I don't really feel good about not having followed the schedule that I set for myself two weeks ago. I had just promised it in the comments section, and then I broke it right away. It's really embarrassing. I still haven't gotten over the fact that I'm still blogging while a couple of posts ago I told everyone that I'm toast. I think I lost a couple of awesome points for writing a dramatic goodbye post like, "Oh I'm really sorry, I want to say goodbye to everyone, even to myself, Oliver the blogger. Sniffle. Sniffle," only to wind up saying later, "Oh hey, I changed my mind. I hope you're glad I'm back! Lalalalala." I can't forgive myself for the two times I broke a promise here. The times I lied-- it's unforgivable. I've become a big, fat liar. That's a movie, right? Big Fat Liar. But I'm not big, I'm not fat: I'm a pretty, little liar.

I just described myself as a chick flick kinda show. I'm gonna gag. What is happening to me? You know what, I once realized I could relate to a Justin Bieber song. And also I once found Snooki attractive. I know, I suck.

That's why I seriously need redemption, even in school. The exam I prepared for two weeks ago was a Biochemistry exam. I felt a little more confident in it compared to my previous exams, so I think I did quite well. For a while I felt smart again, until my math exam had to come and punch me in the face and call me an idiot. My math exam was terrible. My professor is evil.  Why did she have to put hidden trigonometric identities on every problem? I already forgot the more complicated trigonometric identities, because that was already one year ago! Her exam was insanely difficult. Yes,.my professor is a chick. She's actually kinda hot for her age. She's in her mid-thirties and she's great to look at while she's teaching math. Uhm. . . this is getting awkward.

All of my subjects this term are infuriating. Biochemistry, physical chemistry, differential calculus --they have gotten really hard to study, and even the lectures given by the professors are getting quite hard to understand. I'm not getting the scores that I hope for in the exams, and it's quite frustrating. You know, you try hard to understand the lessons, you stay up all night, you work stuff, but at the end of the day it seems like God wants to point out that you're not doing it right, that you're not good at it no matter what you do. That's pretty much how I had been feeling for the past couple of weeks, with my lessons ganging up on me. Chemistry used to be fun. I loved it. But now it's like, what do I do? I'm not good at anything anymore!

That's how I felt until I received my essay in my Sociology class. We were required to write a five-page essay answering three guide questions, putting together all that we've discussed in class. I worked hard for it. I had to. Writing about politics and society isn't really my forte so I had to read a lot of books just to come up with a decent discussion. That's why I was really happy when I saw I got a really high score (the rating system is different but it's equivalent to an A+), and also when I saw the little comment of my professor written on the last page saying that my paper was really good, commending me for a good job. It really put a smile on my face.

It sort of reminded me that no matter what, you can never be not good at anything. Every person is good, but nobody is perfect. Just because you failed at one thing, or two things, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. I hate how I'm sounding too much like Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul right now, but hey, this is true. Nobody sucks at everything. We should never feel bad at ourselves just because our best isn't always what we had hoped. There is always something where your best is good enough, and I realized that is often something you love to do.

Remember that.

kudos to you for being who you are, doing what you do.


Raz Darnell said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. College is kicking my butt. Mostly because I coasted through high school without really having to work, and expected to coast in a similar manner through college. College rather rudely informed me otherwise. Jerk. My whole life, I've been the math person. That's just who I was. I was proud to carry that title. But my Calculus has been laughing in my face. I informed my friends that I'm not smart anymore. And you know what? It's liberating. I can now shrug off their expectations rather than trying to live up to them. The new, not smart Raz lives a freestyle kind of life. Embrace it, dude. Seriously.

SRJ said...

Oli, don't worry. It's not just you. I don't know why but I don't get high grades anymore for the past exams. I might not even be included in the Dean's List anymore. This sem is really terrible, so we must muster all the optimism for another sem which they say is MORE terrible. We can do this. :D

Oliver said...

Yeah, I agree. I'm kinda good at coasting along anyway I'm just getting frustrated with how things with math and phychem, especially math, are turning out. Math was never my forte, but I always managed to get by somehow. I've always lived a freestyle kind of life, whether smart or not, Raz. I never felt like I had to live up to others' expectations. Maybe I should start feeling that way. Maybe I need a hard shove to become a study engine. But I don't want it. I want to be able to get through by being happy with what I do. Thanks for the comment. =]

Hey, SRJ! Lol. Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. I appreciate it. I hope you don't get too disappointed with not being in the dean's list, if that ever happens (I hope not). Just keep your optimism. Let's keep thinking positive, get a good attitude, and hope for the best and do things to bring it about! We can do this. =]

Miss Bobo said...

thanks for an inspiring post. I am sorry I didn't read right away. As you, I am dealing with classes. As a matter a fact, today at 9:05 am my sociology exam will commence. And as a radical being I had to overstep my sleeping boundaries and check out stuff. So I am glad to read your post in comfort for later on today. :) It sucks but eventually you will be able to get things done the way you want to. Maybe you should study it up with someone who knows whats going on very well so you can keep up. Those sciences sound tough, and people most of the time say that odd cliche "2 minds work better than 1" so you never know you can try that idea. As for checking out your professor and that Snooki thing...young man, get a HOLD OF YOSELF!!! lol just joshing ya..Regardless, nice pop culture references in the beginning. Smart aleck!!! but as I said YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Oliver said...

@Miss Bobo
HAHAHA. Thanks, Miss Bobo. I'm glad I'm able to inspire you somehow, and I hope you did well in your Sociology exam! I'm glad you liked this post, and I'm glad you called me a smart Aleck! Hahaha! I always wonder who the heck the Aleck we keep associating with smartassness is. Like really, why Aleck? XD =]

ishashime said...

no worries, oliver. :)
the important thing is, you're at least making an effort to blog and keep your promises. hopefully, things will get a bit more stable in the future? crossing my fingers. haha. although i am being a bit hypocritical since i do blog rather inconsistently, too.
also, nice! uno? good job! awesome last paragraph. quite inspiring. and it is indeed, true. keep on blogging!

Writing Junkie said...

I know exactly how you feel about the whole grades thing. At least you found something that you're good at!

I love your last paragraph, I would love to put it on my white board of quotes (I have a random board of quotes in my room to keep me inspired constantly). I love your posts, they always make me remember good things, and they help me put things into perspective.

I'll use your own words, "Kudos" to you for inspiring others! ^__^

aakriti said...

haha pretty little liar..
and snooki srsly?
and its fine if you don't stick to you schedule at least you are blogging and thats good :D
ya grades..... i totally get how you feel!
thanks for inspiring me with your last paragraph it gives me hope and strength to move forward and have confidence.. and my exams are coming so its a really good time i came across this post.
and i guess you have already found something you are awesome at and love so lucky you.
keep blogging like this and putting a smile to my face :)
you are truly gifted...

Sunakshi said...

You know i feel the same.
Like a month ago i said its my goodbye post and right after sometime i came with lame post.I actually can't stop it,I realized it later..not until i have broadband connection.In spite of hectic schedule i try to get time for writing post.I feel like a liar who lied to her readers. :(
Inspiring lines,loved the last para..nobody's perfect.well said. :)

Oliver said...

Many thanks!!! You have been doing really well, I can see. You've got more blogs posted up than me.

Aw, thank you so much Writing Junkie! You know, I thank you so much for being one of those readers who have shown consistent support. Of course you could put that up on your whiteboard. I'm very pleased to have inspired you! This is what I want to do with my blog anyway. Share stories, get people thinking, inspire others. I'm very glad I have you as one of my readers. =]

Thank you so much Aakriti! I like it that I also inspired you. Thanks a lot for the compliments. Good luck with your exams!!! =D

I know you wouldn't be able to stay away, so welcome back! Haha it's really hard to end a blog, really. I get what you mean. Yeah, nobody's perfect indeed. =]

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