13 October, 2011

I Need Redemption

Yup, that's a Survivor: South Pacific reference. I just watched Survivor so I'm in a pretty good mood, not to mention that I'm finally able to break free somehow from my evil subjects. This season of Survivor is actually pretty good so far, and I'm hoping that it doesn't turn into a piece of crap like the previous season did as it progresses. Ha, I just made a single Survivor reference and I'm consuming one paragraph of my precious blog talking about it? Not good. This post isn't about Survivor anyway, so. . . shut me up.

Alright, so I lied that I would be posting every week, that is every Sunday or Monday. I should have known that a schedule like that isn't really good, mainly because some courses like to schedule their exams on a Monday. (Oh, shocking. My courses are preventing me from blogging?) That means not only do I lose the Monday, but also the Sunday because obviously I would have to be cramming every page of my notes inside my head on the Sunday night so that I don't screw myself up in the exam the next day.

I don't really feel good about not having followed the schedule that I set for myself two weeks ago. I had just promised it in the comments section, and then I broke it right away. It's really embarrassing. I still haven't gotten over the fact that I'm still blogging while a couple of posts ago I told everyone that I'm toast. I think I lost a couple of awesome points for writing a dramatic goodbye post like, "Oh I'm really sorry, I want to say goodbye to everyone, even to myself, Oliver the blogger. Sniffle. Sniffle," only to wind up saying later, "Oh hey, I changed my mind. I hope you're glad I'm back! Lalalalala." I can't forgive myself for the two times I broke a promise here. The times I lied-- it's unforgivable. I've become a big, fat liar. That's a movie, right? Big Fat Liar. But I'm not big, I'm not fat: I'm a pretty, little liar.

I just described myself as a chick flick kinda show. I'm gonna gag. What is happening to me? You know what, I once realized I could relate to a Justin Bieber song. And also I once found Snooki attractive. I know, I suck.

That's why I seriously need redemption, even in school. The exam I prepared for two weeks ago was a Biochemistry exam. I felt a little more confident in it compared to my previous exams, so I think I did quite well. For a while I felt smart again, until my math exam had to come and punch me in the face and call me an idiot. My math exam was terrible. My professor is evil.  Why did she have to put hidden trigonometric identities on every problem? I already forgot the more complicated trigonometric identities, because that was already one year ago! Her exam was insanely difficult. Yes,.my professor is a chick. She's actually kinda hot for her age. She's in her mid-thirties and she's great to look at while she's teaching math. Uhm. . . this is getting awkward.

All of my subjects this term are infuriating. Biochemistry, physical chemistry, differential calculus --they have gotten really hard to study, and even the lectures given by the professors are getting quite hard to understand. I'm not getting the scores that I hope for in the exams, and it's quite frustrating. You know, you try hard to understand the lessons, you stay up all night, you work stuff, but at the end of the day it seems like God wants to point out that you're not doing it right, that you're not good at it no matter what you do. That's pretty much how I had been feeling for the past couple of weeks, with my lessons ganging up on me. Chemistry used to be fun. I loved it. But now it's like, what do I do? I'm not good at anything anymore!

That's how I felt until I received my essay in my Sociology class. We were required to write a five-page essay answering three guide questions, putting together all that we've discussed in class. I worked hard for it. I had to. Writing about politics and society isn't really my forte so I had to read a lot of books just to come up with a decent discussion. That's why I was really happy when I saw I got a really high score (the rating system is different but it's equivalent to an A+), and also when I saw the little comment of my professor written on the last page saying that my paper was really good, commending me for a good job. It really put a smile on my face.

It sort of reminded me that no matter what, you can never be not good at anything. Every person is good, but nobody is perfect. Just because you failed at one thing, or two things, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. I hate how I'm sounding too much like Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul right now, but hey, this is true. Nobody sucks at everything. We should never feel bad at ourselves just because our best isn't always what we had hoped. There is always something where your best is good enough, and I realized that is often something you love to do.

Remember that.

kudos to you for being who you are, doing what you do.
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