17 September, 2010

Succinic Suicide


Every Wednesdays and Fridays I spend four hours and thirty minutes in the laboratory to finish an experiment. Sometimes, my classmates and I extend our lab hours to five hours, sometimes five hours and a half, just to finish the thing we are working on. Sometimes we even have to work on two experiments in one period. It just drives all of us crazy. Long four hours and thirty minutes of headache is terrible enough but we keep getting more. I’m in my second year in college so I have to prepare myself for worse.

It’s quite stressful, especially for me who really doesn’t like doing a lot of things at a short period of time. Another stressful thing about the lab is the way one has to handle the reagents. I blogged about phenol a while back. Well, I just got burned by it last Wednesday. I blogged about phenol being a good super villain because of its superpowers: it is fatal when absorbed through skin, it quickly seeps through skin, it causes severe burns to every area of contact, it is corrosive, carcinogenic, and its vapor is poisonous. I knew all of those things but because I was foolish, I wasn’t wearing gloves and mask when I was getting some from the reagent bottle. It is a solid, by the way, and becomes watery when exposed to air. I inhaled its vapor, it smelled terrible, and some of its liquid poured on me, thus burning me like hell.

Being a chemist is suicide. Why did I even choose chemistry as my major? Didn't I just want to make cool-looking colorful smokescreen?




Well, doing stuff in the lab isn’t as boring and masochistic as how I might have made it sound like. Some crazy fun things happen in the lab, too, because we’re a bunch of students who talk about lots of things while doing lots of things, actually!

Infertility has become a major talk in the lab. Lots of the reagents we often work with cause it, like toluene and potassium permanganate. Once we were all victimized by toluene because of the faulty dropper we used on getting amounts of it that just spilled the liquid on our hands. We all weren’t wearing gloves! LOL. Of course we were given demerits because of our foolhardiness. But yeah, right after that, my classmates had become so concerned about their bloodlines. Oh God, no more future babies.

Speaking of future babies… Once I was on my table in the laboratory doing some weird calculations and I got too stressed because I kept getting crazy answers. My mind was just full of crazy things and it could no longer function properly. All of a sudden, I heard my classmate say to my classmate Erik in a rather unprofessional voice, “Erik, anal or top?”

I was like, “What did I just hear?”

Erik said top. I realized she was just asking Erik whether she would weigh the sample on a top-loading balance or in an analytical balance. Analytical and top-loading are both too long to mention so I understand why she had to use the words anal and top instead. Anal is a very inappropriate abbreviation for analytical, in all contexts, though. If I say anal chem, you don’t think analytical chemistry right away, do you? Well, I do, because I’m used to hearing and using that as an abbreviation for analytical chemistry. How about anal sample? I’m an anal person. (I mean analytical person, yes like a person who analyzes things, right?)

I have thought about this already: at age twenty-five the doctor would tell me that I have cancer. The doctor would say that I have cancer in a very somber kind of sympathetic voice. He would be shocked that I’m not shocked by his news. Well, I was touching lots of carcinogenic chemicals in college, so why would I be?

Chemistry is suicide, and that’s why I’m never going to marry my girlfriend. At sixteen years old right now, I probably am already infertile. That means she might never have a baby from me. At twenty-five I would probably have cancer. That means she would have to work full-time so she could help me finance my therapies, all in vain, since at thirty I would probably die already, making her a very young widow. That’s just every girl’s nightmare!

Break up with me before I do worse things!

It’s hard to study chemistry, too! Oh man, I really need to study because our finals are coming soon! I need to practice writing mechanisms and writing chemical reactions that make sense. I need to practice drawing molecules, too. I know it will be fun if I get my mood right! It will be my neurons committing suicide once again.

And I will be delivering my extemporaneous speech on Thursday next week. I enrolled in a Speech Communication course, remember? Why is it so funny for me? I mean I find it funny that I actually am taking a Speech Comm class. Anyway, wish me luck!

So this is like an all about school kind of post.




kudos to chemistry survivors.
oliver. 

4 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I laugh @ anal and top. :)) i think i also heard them say this.

We, chemistry students, are accidental suicidal teens. Even though we use gloves and shizz, some chemicals can penetrate those damned things. Ex. Ammonia. :|

Anonymous said...

"Chemistry is suicide, and that’s why I’m never going to marry my girlfriend. At sixteen years old right now, I probably am already infertile. That means she might never have a baby from me. At twenty-five I would probably have cancer. That means she would have to work full-time so she could help me finance my therapies, all in vain, since at thirty I would probably die already, making her a very young widow. That’s just every girl’s nightmare!"

If a girl loves you, she will accept whatever happens to you because of your freakin major. After all, you both have "chemistry". And why the hell did i type these words??? Hahaha!

CHEMISTS ARE THE ARE THE MOST AWESOME MASOCHISTS!

Now I know why I took up Chem, they told me I was a suicidal. Now that explains it.

Oh well. We have to bear with the sufferings. As for me, Chem won't let me go. Hahaha!

sssdawna said...

wow. you're a deep thinker hahaha and let me get this straight, you're 16 in your second year of college?! *raises eyebrow* i wish i was as cool as you when i was 16...

Oliver said...

@Anonymous 1
If ammonia could penetrate gloves, then I'm sure phenol could as well! Screw gloves.

@Anonymous 2
You'll love chemistry if you have suicidal tendencies.

@Dawna
Deep thinker? Nope. Sixteen in my second year of college? Yes. Smart? No. Awesome? Hell yeah. =]

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