18 July, 2010

You Dream You're Awake

Looking at my previous blog posts, I see that I have to talk about the dream I had last Wednesday. It’s the first time I ever saw my dad in my dream. It’s really weird. I just saw him. He sat down and cried in front of me. He never got to see me again since I left him. . . maybe he just paid me a visit to see how I’ve become. He cried. That means he’s disappointed. Does it? Why do I ask? Like don't I know the answer? Am I hoping he'd ever change?

My dad was a devout Catholic and my separation from him was also my separation from Christianity, and religion in general. Well, besides teaching me prayers and telling me Bible stories, he gave me a sense of connection to the God that I used to know and the religion that I used to wholeheartedly embrace. Now that I’ve grown to be a very ideologically-different individual, I started tracing lines that led me to becoming a person different from everyone else around me -– a person who makes his own decisions, stays true to himself, does what he wants, who thinks in a way most people don’t, who believes what he wants to believe in and holds on to it, that there are things in life we don't see now that will someday be possible. I told myself I wasn't going to use religion as an excuse to hate someone. I would appreciate people for their honesty and sincerity. I would never stop loving people, especially those who love me.

The only thing I can’t take away though from what he made of me is writing. Actually, I can’t fully attribute to him my love for writing since my mom was also a writer in her teenage years.

Maybe he hates me because of that. Maybe he hates me because I no longer write poetry. Maybe he hates me because I never got to talk to him again before he passed away. Hey, wait there, does he even hate me? Did he ever?

Does my dream even mean something?  

14 July, 2010


I woke up from a dream. It's... beautiful... and emotional. Wow. It's incredibly dark. The storm is raging outside. No electricity here. BLACKOUT.

I will write about the details of it someday. For now, I need to get back to sleep.

kudos to manifestations.

12 July, 2010

Join the Club

Laboratories are cool, especially when there are lots of hazardous chemicals lined up for you for the next experiment. It has become a lot cooler because of the thrill that I now get from it out of all those MSDS I've written - knowing how harmful those reagents may be. Carcinogen. Corrosive. Toxic. Flash fire. Exciting, eh?  You feel a whole new level of laboratory rush – the rush in your blood, the excitement rush, the adrenaline rush...and if you're fearless (and foolish) enough, like me, to handle those chemicals with your bare hands, then there's a 90% chance that you'll be experiencing another rush – rush to the sink and flush your hands with water, DAMMIT!

Yes, last Friday in Chem101.1, my left index finger has been devirginized (lol at the term and the proximity of it to the word ‘finger,’ I’m sorry. lol) with its very first direct contact with a wicked amount of aqueous benzyl chloride (or whatever it is, I’m not exactly sure). It was terribly painful. I literally felt like my finger was burning and I think I’ve read something about a chemical causing burns on every area of contact. Phenol! Ahh! I even blogged about phenol! But no, it must not be phenol because it’s way more dangerous, I suppose. So dear God, please do not let it be phenol and do not give me cancer because I love my life and I still want to spend my future saving the world. No, seriously! Hey, trust me. Oh, dear.

And I’m not the sole casualty of that evil reagent. A few people also [kinda] bragged about their experiences… to me, why not?? “Hey, Ollie! My finger is burning… awwweessooome.” I said, “Flush it with water over that sink,” pointing to that huge sink in the corner of the lab, just a few steps of course from our table sinks (which are smaller). It’s also cool to point people to where they should go right after an incident such as that. It made me feel like a hero for five seconds. But then they remembered our lab instructor talking about infertility…

Uhm yeah, as we had been warned by him, some of the reagents may cause infertility, as if he cares about our breed. How many grownups warn students about infertility? One? Two? Your Health teacher who you don’t care about? But maybe in the world of chemical education, everyone talks about it because lab geniuses are worried about not passing down their intelligent chemistry-infused DNA to the future baby Seaborg in the world that will be hearing the word ‘infertility’ at three years old. Now how many people reading this post even know who Seaborg is? I’m surprised that Blogspot underlines his last name… like asdfghjkl. Einstein. No underline. Becquerel. What? Becquerel is even harder to spell. Seriously, Blogspot? No underline for Becquerel?? Fleming. Hey! You’re supposed to auto-correct that to flaming! Poor Seaborg, the ultimate chemistry genius, not getting the word-processors recognition for what he had done to the field of science. His scientific stuff is quite awesome. How many elements did he discover? Eleven. How many were named after him? Just one. Seaborgium. And when you say it, it will always sound like Megatron’s best friend.

Now what have I been talking about? Ayuh, the infertility thing. Because most of my classmates had just turned 18, or turning 19, or getting there, they made a big fuss about that infertility issue. And they talked about it… with me, again why not?? I’m a good [spacey] listener. And I give answers to their questions. “Hey, Ollie! Is that n-butyl chloride the one that causes infertility? I’ve been burned by it.” Uhm I think so. So it’s n-butyl chloride, not benzyl chloride? My lab partner even walked up to me and whispered, “Hey, which one causes infertility, again?” Oh, fantastic. You’re so concerned. “Ollie! I’m infertile!!!” Yay! Celebrate it with me, shall we? SERIOUSLY NOW, why was everyone reporting and consulting their infertility issues TO ME?? Am I a doctor with a title composed of like 8239 consecutive consonants whom women need to consult to every month? “I’m now infertile. Something spilled over my hand and burned it.” Oh STFU. Is it because I was the first guy who said something spilled over my finger? But I didn’t announce it to everyone like this: “Hey, everyone! Something spilled over a small part of my finger! Now I’m infertile and everyone who gets spilled by something must come to me and sign up for an organization of infertile chemistry students. Hooray!” 

WTF. Me, infertile? The hell I care. A guy being infertile… is that even the right term for a reproductively-hindered man? Infertile? Whatever. A guy being infertile (I’ll just use that word) may be a good thing or a bad thing. Bad thing: you will not have children… well, I think I just defined that word. Good thing: you can spend the rest of your life being single and banging several ladies without worrying about producing salary-cutting creatures, and the pressure of marrying the girl you spent just one night with. But… How can we cure it? Wear fertility rings? Fertility bracelets? Necklaces? Fertility shoes? Fertility socks? I can’t believe we have all this stuff.

All of this panic was brought by the MSDS part of our pre-lab reports. Us laboratory kids have experienced chemical spills before. It’s just the first time that actually hurt. How many times have I spilled something over my bare hand? Many times. Sodium hydroxide. HCl. Toluene. Sixteen molars sulfuric acid. I’m kidding about the last one. If that had happened, there’s no way I could still be blogging. All of my lab-mates were all funny that Friday. The experiment was short, and our PHD lab instructor wasn’t there so we had time to laugh about… infertility. Cmon! That’s the last time I’m gonna say that word! But it was really funny how people cared so much about… it. Well I guess they want to have children. Like right now, before the chemical takes effect. Lol. Was that the reason why they were telling everyone about it? Oh God. LOL. I’m just kidding! JUST KIDDING!

kudos to [in]fertility. 


10 July, 2010

Musical Half

The half of the year had been great! My favorite bands released new albums! I realized that this is going to be my first ever music-related post. So yay! Because I don’t want this to be the only music post here, I’m not gonna fully discuss the four 2010 albums here. I’m gonna try to make a stand-alone blog post for each one of them someday.
Poets of the Fall – my favorite rock band. Their new album called ‘Twilight Theater,’ unfortunately was a disappointment to me. It’s because ‘Revolution Roulette,’ the album they released before it, is so much better. The only song I [quite] liked in Twilight Theater is ‘War.’ How about in Revolution Roulette? A lot! Save Me, Psychosis, Where Do We Draw the Line, Miss Impossible, Fragile, etc. I still love this band. I hope they will release a better single someday.

Stars – one of my favorite indie bands. Their new album called ‘The Five Ghosts’ is cool! The first track, ‘Dead Hearts’ is fantastic. The sound, the feel, the voices… it’s really good. The second track is my favorite, ‘Wasted Daylight.’ This band has an ability to stick their songs into my head. That’s great.

Tokyo Police Club – my favorite, ever!!! It was two years ago when they released their first studio album, ‘Elephant Shell’ and I like all of the songs in there. Juno, The Baskervilles, The Harrowing Adventures of, Tessellate, Graves… And now their new album ‘Champ’ is fantastic! I love it! It feels so good to get another album from your favorite band.

The Morning Benders – oh, my second favorite! Their first album is ‘Talking Through Tin Cans’ and I like a few songs in it. I like Damnit Anna, Heavy Hearts and Waiting For A War. I often sing Heavy Hearts when I’m bored even though it’s kinda sad. Their new album is called ‘Big Echo.’ The first track, Excuses, is fantastic. I cannot describe it. How many instruments did they use for that song? I think they even got woodwind in the background. It’s so goooood!

So this is a relatively short blog post. Lol. I’m just not a music blogger, maybe. But I love music! Youtube these albums if you want! =]

kudos to the music of 2010.
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